Sunday, August 12, 2012

Taiwan Buddhists Celebrate Gay Wedding, US Republicans Celebrate Monoculture

celebrate monoculture
In recent news, the nation of Taiwan celebrated its first Buddhist gay marriage on Saturday, further pushing the relatively liberal East Asian nation into recognizing the sanctity of same-sex unions.  While the ceremony is not legally binding, participants, including the brides Fish Huang and YouYa-Ting and Buddhist master Shih chau-hui, said that it was time to overcome the social stigma of homosexuality and for the government to acknowledge the validity of same-sex unions.

Not to be outdone, the Mitt Romney presidential campaign also announced the very same day that Romney was “celebrating monoculture” by choosing pale libertarian and mathematically illiterate Wisconsin representative Paul Ryan as his vice presidential running mate.  In a speech before a large, obsolete hulk that served to project America’s destructive power, Ryan said that “At this point in time it’s critical for us as Republicans to celebrate our monocultural diversity.” The USS Wisconsin was also used as  a backdrop.

Noting that even though both candidates are wealthy white males, Ryan said their widely different backgrounds exemplified their party’s demographic richness.  “Mitt Romney was born a child of privilege and feels a deep sense of entitlement, while I was raised in difficult circumstances and matured to renounce every government program that helped my mother keep our family’s heads above water, and am now longing to project my own shame and self-flagellation upon a grateful nation.  How much different could you possibly get?”

Before setting out on a bus trip of swing states, the pair of candidates, dressed in matching faux-casual checkered oxfords and blazers, promised to unite their budget plans into a unified whole.  “I was impressed with Congressman Ryan’s ability to put forward a budget that envisions a burgeoning black market for human kidneys as a source of sales tax revenue,” said Romney, “and wanted to marry it to my concepts that tax cuts and wars pay for themselves.  So look out, Iran,” he added, as the pair laughed and laughed.


Anonymous said...

Aw. With Ryan the "Young Gun" thus betrothed, Mitt can finally honor his religious heritage with this, his first Child Bride.

Mike Di Leo said...

@facethesuncastnoshadow -- in the great tradition of Batman and Robin and George Bush and Dan Quayle.