Saturday, September 05, 2009

Muslim Monster Deity to Terrify Nation's Children on First Day of School

Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair
Families across America are up in arms today over news that President Obama, Marxist Demon-Lord and Bearer of the All-Seeing Eye, will commence the Indoctrination of the Innocents at an unprecedentedly early date, addressing the nation’s last great hope on the very first day of school.

Wailing mothers beat their breasts in public, sobbing together over the cruel fate that was to befall their sons and daughters, exhorted by a foreign-born absolute monarch to help him rip America from its very foundations by studying hard and setting goals.

Stylus Newington from Hialeah FL summed up his plight as he stood by the side of Interstate 95 in his pajamas, talking frantically on his cell phone while several children, the seed of his loins, bearers of his lineage and his pride and joy, peered anxiously out the windows of his Ford Explorer. “At this point I don’t know what I can do to keep ‘em from brainwashing my children by talking to ‘em on the teevee. I’m currently wavering between jumping off a cliff with them Okinawa-style or just selling ‘em into prostitution and hoping for the best.”

Protestations from the White House that the president was merely going to urge America’s children to strive to do great things and use his own life story as an example seemed to fall on unsympathetic ears. Wynona Mulligan, in the midst of refueling her Hummer H-3 before heading for the hills, gestured to the three children and two Wiemerauners asleep in the back. “If Obama’s rhetoric infects my children and little Placenta, Pikachu and Palin2012 become socialists, I – I won’t know what to do,” she confessed in a breathy sob.

Several counties have already announced they will be seceding from the Union for the duration of President Obama’s speech in order to avoid being sent to internment camps for refusing to broadcast the terrifying epistle. “It seems like an extreme step to take,” said Harper Burnside, superintendent of Pomade County, Illinois, “especially since we have to vote to rejoin the union after the speech is over, and with this bunch you never know. But it’s a chance we’ll have to take if we want to keep the next generation from being enslaved with universal healthcare and such.”

Throughout the nation the usual good spirits of the long holiday weekend have been ruined by the anticipation of the demise of freedom as we know it. A suburban couple who refused to be identified stood in front of their house and displayed to us a cooler that had, on past Labor Day weekends, brimmed over with ground beef, t-bone steaks, bratwursts and giant turkey legs. Today, instead, fish heads and gristle swam in a solution of ice, squid ink and blood – a dinner of penance and gnashing of teeth. They held each other, cold in their simple burlap shifts, and cried.

7 comments:

Uncle Glenny said...

Won't Obama be able to use his new cyberwarfare infrastructure to force this onto everyone's TV, PC, and dental fillings?

aimai said...

Wonderful. Ripped from today's headlines, as it were. Keep it up.

aimai

BarbLibrarian said...

The heartbeat of America pounds from your very fingertips!!

princeminski said...

The best thing I've seen in the current right wing brouhaha. Worthy of NATIONAL LAMPOON at its best.

Grung_e_Gene said...

Isn't it interesting Obama's short one time speech will surely turn America's Youth into Islamo-Marxists immediately, but the hours of Sean Inshannity and R. Limbaugh declaring Obama to be evil that he aids the Terrorists and is literally destroying America have no influence and couldn't possibly be to blame for the Right Wing Extremist Terrorists who want to kill every evil Liberal in America, attack Holocaust Museums and ambush and murder Police Officers...

D said...

..."President Obama, Marxist Demon-Lord and Bearer of the All-Seeing Eye..."

You forgot Antichrist!

pris said...

yes, thank DOG someone finally realizes what is going on=looks like we can count on you to give us the truth- I will alert all of my friends in the 'Socialist Society Interpreting Scene' or SSIS know about your blog. Thank you thank you.
Fantastic Writing- Glenn will love this, Glenn Beck, you know him, right?